Ron Wilkinson’s Story
The HIV and AIDS crisis’s impact is often measured in static numbers that fail to encapsulate the physical, emotional, and social damage that HIV and AIDS continue to inflict.
Ron Wilkinson’s story humanizes the prejudice and pain of the HIV and AIDS crisis, and the scars it leaves on those who live on. This is Ron’s story, as told by Joe Dooley, whose relationship with Ron was severed by AIDS and society’s abysmal response to it.
Ron and Me
by Joe Dooley
May 21, 2025
Ron and I met in the spring or early summer of 1990, after a Mass sponsored by Dignity, an organization that supports gay Catholics. I don’t know if Ron was Catholic – his memorial service would be at a Lutheran church – but a lot of non-Catholics attend services sponsored by Dignity. Ron learned that he would be relocating to Florida, and told me. I seem to recall, but am not certain as I write this, that he moved by or about September 1990.
We hit it off immediately. We just enjoyed being together. We laughed. We were happy. Sometimes we were downright silly with each. I remember feeling giddy. I liked being with him, and I believe he felt the same way.
Our relationship was never consummated physically. I do not recall if we even kissed, apart from dry pecks. I believe we both felt that desire to connect deeply, physically, but Ron was always honest about his HIV-status. I do not recall him saying explicitly “I won’t have sex with you because I’m HIV-positive,” but I think that was just understood. It seemed to weigh on him. That’s what he wanted, and I respected his position on this. Ron exercised tremendous self-restraint. We held hands. We cuddled a lot and held each other. I remember each of us pressing against the other, just wanting to be as close to each other as we could be. Although I wanted – I think we both wanted – to express our feelings sexually, we were happy just to be together.
Ron had a Chow. Chows can be intimidating. Other Chows I have known have been wary, even aggressive, to anyone who was not their human companion. I don’t remember the name of Ron’s Chow, but when I went to Ron’s home, the Chow sized me up. He was not aggressive to me, and apparently concluded I was with Ron so I must be acceptable. When Ron came to my home, he usually brought his Chow with him.
Ron was dealing with a lot at this point in his life. It wasn’t just that he was HIV-positive, but also that he was embroiled in his fight with the FAA. I remember he was so sad sometimes. I wanted to console him, to comfort him, to ease his anxiety, to bring him joy.
He moved to Florida. We both knew this was coming. Our time was short and bittersweet. The memory of the sweet part makes me smile. The memory of the bitter part chokes me up.
I think it was after he retired from Federal service that he stopped by Washington, DC, before heading back to Nebraska. I guess this was in or about February 1991. He came to Mass at Dignity, and we saw each other one more time. He looked thinner than the previous summer. We embraced. We hadn’t seen each other for months, but it was as if we had never separated. The easy connection and all the feelings we felt months ago came back like a flood and filled our hearts. The last thing he said to me was that he loved me. He must have known he was going home to die, but he didn’t tell me.
Our time was brief, but happy. Of course, I think about what might have been. Perhaps his situation heightened the intensity of our feelings, but what we had, as brief as it was, seemed so right, so natural. We fit together. I cannot know if Ron and I would have lasted as a couple, but I’d like to think we would have. We never got to the point where we had to deal with the mundane things that couples endure, like paying bills, or putting up with each other’s parents, or just one of us being in a bad mood. Still, I’d like to think that if he had lived, and that if we had become life partners, a married couple, we could have worked through anything. I think about him now, and my eyes fill up. He told me that he loved me. I don’t remember telling him that I loved him – but I did, and I still do.
If he had lived, we’d both turn 65 this year. If we had lasted as a couple, this year would have marked 35 years together – five years longer than the time he had on this earth. By now, Ron and I would be planning our retirement together.
In John Milton’s Paradise Lost, the archangel Raphael describes to Adam how angels make love:
“Let it suffice thee that thou knowest
Us happy, and without love no happiness.
Whatever pure thou in the body enjoyest —
And pure thou wert created — we enjoy
In eminence, and obstacle find none
Of membrane, joint, or limb, exclusive bars:
Easier than air with air, if Spirits embrace,
Total they mix, union of pure with pure
Desiring, nor restrained conveyance need
As flesh to mix with flesh, or soul with soul.”
“Total they mix.” I want my soul to mix totally with Ron’s, and “obstacle find none of membrane, joint, or limb”. I want us to mix “easier than air with air”, a “union of pure with pure”.
I love you, Ron.
Ron WIlkinson’s Biography
Joe also wrote a biography of Ron, tracking his life story from his birth in Nebraska through his fight for justice and death from AIDS complications.
A Biography of Ron Wilkinson
by Joe Dooley
May 21, 2025
Ronald Lee Wilkinson was born on July 23, 1960 in Lancaster, Nebraska. He was one of four children born to Donald Clyde Wilkinson, Jr. and Shirley Wilkinson (née Semm).
Ron enlisted in the U.S. Air Force on March 30, 1983. He rose to the rank of Sergeant, and was discharged on December 31, 1986.
After his service in the Air Force, Ron worked as an Air Traffic Controller. While he was on vacation in the summer of 1989, Ron tested positive for the Human Immuno-Deficiency Virus (HIV). When he returned to work at Dulles International Airport in the Virginia suburbs of Washington, DC, Ron told his supervisor that he was HIV-positive, and that his physicians had prescribed the drug AZT.
To be an Air Traffic Controller, one has to obtain a Class 3 medical certificate as part of his/her licensing requirements. Air Traffic Controllers are also required to undergo annual medical reviews.
When the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) learned that Ron was HIV-positive and taking AZT, it suspended his medical certificate and placed him on sick leave. FAA officials made no effort to accommodate Ron’s medical disability. The FAA did not offer him the option of performing administrative duties, which is commonly offered to Air Traffic Controllers whose medical certificates are suspended. At first, Ron was involuntarily placed on thirty days sick leave, after which the FAA put him on leave-without-pay status for fourteen months. Ron sued the FAA for employment discrimination under the Rehabilitation Act of 1973.
During the fourteen months that Ron was out of work and without a salary, he faced serious financial hardship. He had to cash in a $100,000 life insurance policy for less than forty percent of its face value. His financial predicament was alleviated a little bit when some of his co-workers donated some of their sick leave, as part of a Federal Government leave-sharing program.
After fourteen months without a job, the FAA finally made a minimal effort to accommodate Ron’s disability. The FAA offered him a position as an Air Traffic Assistant, which was an administrative position that did not require a medical certificate. If Ron accepted this position, it would be at a lower pay grade, and would require him to move to Florida.
Ron accepted the offer. He moved to Ft. Lauderdale, Florida and started his new job as an Air Traffic Assistant. But he did not withdraw his suit against the FAA for employment discrimination. He pursued his rights under the Rehabilitation Act and filed an administrative claim. Ultimately, Ron brought this action in Federal court in the District of Columbia.
In February 1991, Ron retired from Federal service on disability. He moved from Ft. Lauderdale back to Nebraska to be near his family. Ron died on April 8, 1991. He was survived by his parents, Don and Shirley Wilkinson, two brothers, Joseph and Timothy, and a sister, Janine. Ron is buried in Lincoln Memorial Park in Lincoln, Nebraska.
After Ron’s death, his estate tried to pursue his claim. The Secretary of Transportation filed a motion to dismiss Ron’s claim for compensatory damages and other relief, and the Court granted this motion.
Sources:
Controller Says He Was Fired for Taking AIDS Drug
https://www.tampabay.com/archive/1990/05/19/controller-says-he-was-fired-for-taking-aids-drug/
Air Controller Taking AZT Reassigned From Dulles
https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/national/1990/08/22/air-controller-taking-azt-reassigned-from-dulles/482b81c6-f33e-45c7-878c-0229d32dfe50/
James E. Jenkins, Executor of the Estate of Ronald L. Wilkinson, Deceased, Plaintiff v. Samuel K. Skinner, Secretary, Department of Transportation et al., Defendants., (Aug. 19, 1991), (Aug. 19, 1991)
https://www.vitallaw.com/caselaw/employment-practices-57-epd-41-066-james-e-jenkins-executor-of-the-estate-of-ronald-l-wilkinson-deceased-plaintiff-v-samuel-k-skinner-secretary-department-of-transportation-et-al-defendants-aug-19-1991/47c8b6db631db9fb98558ec09c81305a?refURL=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F#.
South Florida Sun Sentinel, April 11, 1991, p. 9
Obituary for Ronald WILKINSON
https://www.newspapers.com/clip/46382592/obituary-for-ronald-wilkinson-aged-30/?xid=637
Find-a-Grave
https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/141471153/ronald-l-wilkinson
AIDS Memorial Quilt
https://www.aidsmemorial.org/quilt (Block No. 3458 lists several names associated with the Sunshine Athletic Association of South Florida, including a “Ron Wilkinson”. I do not know for certain if this is our Ron Wilkinson, or someone else with the same name.)
Memorializing Loved Ones through the AIDS Memorial Quilt
It is through remembrance that we find healing and hope for a better future, and that our loved ones’ lives will forever be remembered.
We are always looking to share the stories of loved ones lost to HIV and AIDS. Email ssagaser@aidsmemorial.org to share your story and learn more about how you can memorialize a loved one lost to AIDS through the AIDS Memorial Quilt:
